The Healthiest Patient of the Day!

I was taken to the holding area before surgery.  This is where I would continue to be asked by another dozen Dr.'s and Nurses my name, my birthday and what I was having done that day.  I met the Anesthesiologist and his asst.  I met a bunch of nurses they all asked the same FREAKING questions!  I get it.  They are attempting to be safe and reduce malpractice situations but when you are in a lot of pain it is just annoying.  The Anesthesiologist's assistant asked me a bunch of questions and they took my temperature and blood pressure.  I was asked about smoking and exercise.  I explained that I haven't smoked since 1998 and I run at least  2 miles a day, 4 to 5 days a week.  They asked about prescription medication taken regularly.  I told them about the recent hydrocodone and ibuprofen then listed all my vitamins, herbs, and minerals that I take daily.  They seemed shocked to have a patient who was not taking a prescription medication on a daily basis.  My blood pressure is always good and sometimes lower than the average.  They all seemed to be so impressed with the information I was giving them.  I was FREEZING, in PAIN, and ANNOYED with all the QUESTIONS!  One of them said, "Wow!  You are definitely the healthiest patient of the day!"  Although they were being complimentary I couldn't help but think, "Not healthy enough obviously.  Ya'll are about to put me under and cut me open."

Wires and Styrofoam cups

The next step was to have the wire placement done at Solis Diagnostic Center which is located next door to the hospital.  I was quite concerned about how cold it was outside and wearing only a hospital gown.  It turned out that there was a breezeway that connected the buildings.  Thank Goodness!!!!  The hospital attendant came with a wheelchair which was a little shocking but at least at was time to "get this show on the road".  When I got to Solis I was taken back quickly while Clint waited in the lobby area.  The room I went into was just like the one where they performed my diagnostic mammogram just a month and a half earlier.  They made me get "locked in" to the mammogram machine so they could locate the titanium chip previously placed. This would act as a target for the wire placement and later aid the surgeon during the biopsy.  These were not small wires.  They were relatively thin but long.  When they were placed they hurt more than I have the strength now to describe.  The exact area that had been hurting so badly for months now was being stabbed.  The technician seemed somewhat surprised at the level of pain that I was experiencing but everyone is different.  I have very dense and sensitive breast tissue.  Some of that is due to my age, some may be because of my specific breast issues.  They ended up having to place more than one wire which was a huge surprise.  This was not what I had originally been told would happen.  It was hard.  It was incredibly painful.  It required a tremendous amount of mental focus to get through it.  I prayed.  I thought of Wayne, while clutching one of his hanker chiefs.  I imagined all the many surgeries and chemo rounds he endured and told myself, "This is nothing in comparison!  You can do this!"  The wires were cumbersome and if my breast moved or heaven forbid the wires were bumped the pain would explode within my breast.  So, they attempted to tape Styrofoam cups over the wires onto my breast.  It was quite an ordeal.  It is a really good thing that I am not particularly modest!  When it was finally done we eased me very carefully back into my hospital gown and the nice attendant met me with the wheelchair to take me to the pre-op area.  Clint was waiting and I couldn't even speak to him.  I was in so much pain and I had no words to say other than, "That hurt like hell!"

The Ugly Bra and Heart Shaped Pillow

       After about 30 minutes or so I had a visitor.  She was in her early sixties with short grey hair and a warm smile. She was wearing a pink house/lab coat over her regular clothes and seemed to be carrying a bag.  She introduced herself as a volunteer with the Jean Katz Breast Center and said she was there to answer any questions that she could and give me some information about what to expect during recovery.  She had no way of knowing that I am obsessive compulsive about knowing what to expect and had been blogging with other women for two months.  She explained that I would not want to put my regular bra back on and proceeded to reach into her "Mary Poppins Breast Cancer Bag".  She brought out a strange plastic package containing something white inside it.  She had an extra one in her bag that was not in a package for demonstrations.  It was the ugliest bra I had ever seen.  It had at least 4 or 5 hook & eye closure's in the front, straps wide enough to practically cover my shoulders, and absolutely no shape or support at all!!!!  I, of course had already gone out and purchased a rather expensive, sleek, black, front zip sports bra from the athletic store. But I kept that to myself not wanting to rain on her parade. 
         Next she went back to her "Mary Poppins" bag and retrieved a heart shaped red flower pillow that looked like something my grandmother might have used on her bed.  She explained that it's shape actually worked really well for pain relief after surgery.  If placed under the arm it both supported the arm and protected the breast at the same time.  It was also small enough to travel easily.   The care and consideration were greatly appreciated but I also was beginning to feel like a cancer patient.

"But it's Me in the Bed!"

We got to the hospital at around 11:00 as instructed by the pre-assessment nurse the day before.  It was very cold and I forgot the "speed pass" in the car so Clint had to go back to the top of the parking garage while I waited outside.  My stomach was already a wreck.  The anxiety, the emptiness, and the wine the night before all were doing their part to make my GI system miserable.  We went straight to the Day Surgery center and gave them our "speed pass" which let them know all my paperwork and intake was complete.  They told us to have a seat and they would call us in a moment.  I had my black leather overnight bag and my purse.  Packing for a day surgery was a little confusing, Hell, packing for any kind of surgery is weird.  My time in hospitals had taught me to bring a cardigan, chapstick, and comfy pants for afterwards.  I packed my new zip-front black high impact sports bra, a tank, and some flip flops.  I didn't want to wear slouchy clothes there though.  I wore my low rise torn AE jeans that make my butt look amazing, a stylish pullover sweater with wooden toggles & a fabulous collar, and my tan Steve Madden ballet flats with the zippers.  I was determined that even though they were about to destroy my near perfect breasts at least I would look hot!  We had just sat down in the very small waiting area directly in front of the day surgery center when a nurse came out and called my name.  She said my room was ready.  I was a little confused and surprised but followed her down the hall past a nurses station.  My own room?  This is just a day surgery why do I need my own room?  When I got to the room she asked me my stats.  Name, Dr., Birthday, procedure being performed today.  These would be asked of me about every 30 to 60 minutes ALL DAY LONG!   She put three bracelets on my wrists.  One with my info, One with my NKDA(no known drug allergies), and One calling for nothing to be done with my left arm.  My pain was pretty consistent especially in my armpit, so they would use my right arm for all iv's.  The nurse told me to put on the gown and she would return in a minute.  I looked at Clint sitting in the chair against the wall.  I looked at the hospital bed in front of me with that gown laying on it.  He said, "Here we are again." with a small smile, referencing all the hours and nights spent in hospitals during the course of his father's battle with cancer.  I looked at and felt my chin begin to quiver.  I said, " But, Baby, this time it's me.  It's ME in the bed!"  He came over and helped me change into my gown.  I got in the bed and waited.  He found an episode of Law and Order SVU on TV.  The nurse returned and asked about my food(which was non-existent), my fluids(also non-existent), and my regular medications.  I don't take any prescription medications on a regular basis so this meant my daily doses of vitamins and herbs.  I was told to bring them but she didn't seem to need them.  The pre-assessment nurse had looked at all of this the previous day.  She began to explain the schedule of the day a little and I realized I had a little time to wait.  The people from Solis would come to get me at 1:00 for the wire placement.  I kept wondering if I would have to get dressed again. What about my shoes, it was really cold outside.  My nurse tried to start my IV and was unable.  She stuck me about 3 times and used the vein finder all with no luck.  She said the kept moving and she would prefer the people upstairs do it.  I didn't know who these magical vein finding people upstairs were but if it meant less sticking I was all for it.  She left and I attempted to nap despite the screaming stomach and the annoying cold.

Back up to Pre-Assessment

         On Monday, the 29th, I went in for my pre-assessment surgery stuff at the hospital.  I went by myself feeling confident that there was no reason for anyone to go with me and knowing that Clint had to work.  I was not really clear about where I was to go so I went to my surgeon's office and asked.  I also had some questions that I wanted answered prior to surgery and was unsure if Dr. Chow would see me before it took place.  They pointed me in the right direction and said that the nurses in pre-assessment would be able to answer most of my questions.  I informed her that I would be happy to ask them but if they could not answer them I would be back.  I also popped into the diagnostic center next door and asked for a copy of my pathology reports.  They handed them right over, no problems, no questions.  For the first time I read the full report from my stereotactic biopsy and felt frustrated, enlightened, and angry.
        The hospital was where the pre-assessment stuff happened so I walked across the street and found my way to what looked like an information desk. Sitting at the desk was an older man(70's) who asked how he could help me.  I replied by telling him that I was there for my pre-assessment work up for a surgery that would take place the next day.  He acted like he was the man to help me.  He picked up a clip board and reviewed a list of names on it and could not seem to find mine.  He then said, "Are you having "female" surgery?"  His own embarrassment made me smile and I said, "I am having surgery on my breast."  He informed me that I was at the wrong information desk and sent me down the corridor.  The individuals checking me in there took my name and gave me a buzzer(like you get at a restaurant) and gave me some info to fill out.  Keep in mind, that I had to drive so I could not take any pain medication and I was nervous that even Tylenol might somehow mask something that might blood work might reveal if it was not in my system.  So, needless to say I was in a LOT of pain.  The hospital attendants told me to wait in the waiting room at the end of the hall until my buzzer went off.  I have spent many, many, many, hours in hospital waiting rooms and I think I was expecting something a little smaller.  There were about 50 people in a very large waiting room.  That on it's own bothered me.  Half of them were there for pre-assessment for surgery and the other half were for the transplant clinic that was adjacent to the waiting room.  Again, not one individual was my age or close to it.  Almost everyone was older and with an adult child helping them.  A few were older and there with a spouse.  The transplant people were all very ill looking.  Either, very thin, or very heavy.  They were also all very chatty.  They were waiting their turn for dialysis and swapping medical side effect stories.  I could not handle the idea that I was in this room.  This room is for old people, sick people, people who have not taken good care of themselves!  I don't want to be here!  I don't belong here!!!!!  I then remembered my ear buds.  Thank goodness!! I put them in before anyone tried to talk to me and tried to deep breathe through the physical and emotional pain.  After an hour they called me back and got the insurance info and emergency contact stuff out of the way, then they led me on to the day surgery center where they would ask me more questions, get vitals, and draw blood. 
        The nurse in pre-assessment was nice and considerate of my pain.  She even made a note for nothing to be done to my left arm when I came for surgery.  She said that in the 20 years she had been an RN,  I was the first patient in for a breast biopsy suspicious of cancer to ever complain of pain.  I thought that was a good sign.  She was curious about my diagnostic journey thus far so I let her read my pathology report.  She read it slowly and then declared, "I think they don't know what is wrong with you!"  This also made me smile.  That's exactly right, and that is why they are going exploring in my breast with a scalpel tomorrow!  

My Wait is Over

    Today is the day!  I'm a little nervous and frustrated that I can't eat or drink anything thing until like 5:00 tonight.  My surgery isn't until late after noon.  Coffee....I need you!  My stomach is already bothering me and I suspect I'll be "urping" all day, which is quite embarrassing.  Finally, we are going to get some answers!  I just want to understand what is going on within my body.  Why am I in sooo much pain?  What is this lump?  Why does it feel like fluid is trapped there?  And yes, do I have cancer?  But just an answer to the cancer question will not satisfy me.  I want explanations! I go in for surgery prep at 11:00, have wire placement(oouch!) at 1:30 and surgery at 2:30.  Surgery will take about an hour and about 45 min. for me to wake up.  Will I want to eat?  Will I be nauseous? I've never done this before and just don't know.  I'm not alone!  God has been and will be with me all the way.  So will my amazing husband.  He's afraid but I asked him to be brave for me today.  I need him to calm me if needed and distract me.  I love my life, my family and friends and hope that in a few days this really will all be over.

I will Wait.

I will Wait on the Lord.
I will Hope in the Lord.
I will Trust in the Lord.
And He will Renew my strength! 
I will remember that in the waiting He is preparing me for His ultimate Purpose for my life~!