Fear and Pain

About a week after seeing the surgeon I began experiencing severe pain and pressure in the same area on my left breast.  The bruising was gone and I was almost 3 weeks post biopsy but the pain was almost unbearable.  The first few days I decided that it was due to PMS.  So, I did a little research and most hormone associated breast pain is supposed to subside a few days into your actual cycle.  I was 5 days into my cycle and still in a lot of pain.  It felt like it has felt so many times over the past year, like fluid is stuck in a duct and NEEDS to come out!  The Radiologist had been strict instructions not to do this so I massaged the area(also where the lump is) and I noticed some dark rust colored fluid coming from my nipple.  Ok, now I am afraid.  I know what this means.  It does not mean that I have cancer but it is another symptom in the "very suspicious" column.  I called the surgeon's office immediately.  The nurse was busy and would have to call me back.  I laid there miserable, crying in pain, for two hours!  She finally called me back hours later and asked me a lot of questions, encouraging me to use ice and wear a sports bra.  She said she would talk to the surgeon and get back to me tomorrow.  I woke up in pain again.   The nurse called and said the Dr. would not be performing the surgery any sooner.  The idea that I would be in this kind of pain for a whole month was insane.  The nurse offered me a prescription pain pill but I declined.   Those will just cause me to have other side effects, besides I don't even like to take Advil.   I have figured out if I want to continue on with my life I have to take the OTC pain pills.  I run and know I will hurt.  Sometimes I think it is better and then there it is again.  I am sick of this but I will NOT be sidelined for the whole month.  I keep telling myself what others have told me, "Cancer does not hurt, the pain is a good thing, Embrace it!"